psycho sexualise

So you feel comfortable with your sexuality, you’re certain of who and what, turns you on.  You might be happy being described as hetero, homo, bi, or trans sexual, there again you might prefer the often vague, but equally satisfactory, “I’m just me”.  However for those of you seeking a more specific name for your … Read morepsycho sexualise

Size & Desire: It’s Girth Not Length By Dillon Toyne

It’s a fact that the average sized penis is approximately 6.5”- 7.0” long, so why do men pander after owning a whopper, isn’t a Mini just as smart, if not smarter than an Cadilac?

If you ask most men does size matter, you’ll probably get a response like, “Its not the size, its what you do with it that counts” or, “it’s the girth you should be interested in baby, not the length.” While both are honest replies, these sorts of response, to an obviously probing question, highlights the uncomfortable relationship between a man’s brain and his penis. Dare it be said, the very essence and centre of his masculinity is being put on the spot here! The reality when it comes to driving big motors is that most women prefer the cute and nifty Mini to the understated grandiosity of the Caddy In today’s fair and equal society you would assume that gay men would have the same regard for big’uns as their heterosexual sisters, nice to look at but you wouldn’t want to ride one. However, many a gay lad is known to be fond of the tag XXXL often extending a warm welcome to “the newest and biggest boys in the girls’ class”.

To those particular big boys: listen up, finding an adequate parking spot amongst the twinks, muscle marys and boyish babes hanging out in Soho is gonna be, trust me, not that easy. Boys and girls, it ain’t “big is best” it’s, “how snug is my red-hot motor gonna feel in your parking slot?”

So read on and learn that big is often a drawback not an advantage, it can so often wreck a perfectly good relationship-if you’ll pardon the unintended pun-by coming between two people. It’s not my intention to talk about why big boys are so sort after and admired by women and men alike, rather I’m more interested in the problems big lads face in their day to day lives. For example, how does a big guy who’s over thirty maintain his erection for any decent length of time without the aid of some diamond-shaped chemical stimulant? Think about it, a big dick needs more blood than a small dick; any problems with circulation and you’re straight down the doctor for some jolly blue Viagra. Then there is the problem of only being able to put the tip of your stick, into the mud, because the puddle ain’t as deep you first thought.

Being big is a problem for many men who measure up beyond the average mark, so think long and hard you small guys about wanting to play with the bigger boys. Whether making a frontal assault or one on the rear, big boys don’t always have it so easy.

Someone once told me that if I had 5 inches I’d be a very different person, and although I think this person was trying to have a go at me I do think they were probably right, but not having 5 inches I cannot be 100% sure. Yes being above average does offer a degree of self-confidence that those who were at the back of the queue for willies, I suspect lack. But don’t be fooled, being big brings with it serious problems.

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For women its breasts that are the issue, some women will attempt breast augmentation to ease their sense of inadequacy, but having done so these same women often find they have made an error in their beautification process, and so later request reductive surgery note Jordan a.k.a. Katie Price or is that Andre? Equally some men have sort the skills of the surgeon to enhance their own standing in the arena of love. But have these guys ever thought how embarrassing it can be when you are walking down the street, dressed in a pair of loose fitting boxers underneath those baggy jeans, and you get a stiffy? You can’t hide such things when you are well endowed, well not as easily as those with smaller dicks. I was reliably informed once, by an East London prostitute who has many years of experience in the SM scene, that “those you’d say were well endowed expect to get their cocks abused… why? Cos its so big.” When I asked what was meant by “abuse their cock” I was given a long list of punishments beginning with spanking and gentle whipping, progressing on to, “the insertion into the client’s urethra of several graduated, sounds or metal rods” and sometimes ending with the “piercing ritual”, ouch! There is of course always the advantage that being hung like a horse means you can push the shopping cart while not actually being near the thing, but that should only be a party trick, performed amongst the very closest of friends and never in public.

I am a first-hand witness to the dreadful consequences such bravado can have upon a couple and wiser for the experience. Ever since my ex stormed out of the local mini-market, announcing to the shocked onlookers that I was not her boyfriend, but some stalking pervert with a thing about grocery shopping, I have carried a basket rather than push a cart around the aisles of the out-of-town Safeways.

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Three months after the incident with the shopping cart I heard my ex shout back at me, as she walked through passport control on her way to a new life, “It was all those f***ing afternoons I came home from work to find you watching that queer guy on Supermarket Sweep that convinced me we weren’t compatible.” Finally, to all you guys still reading, ask yourself this, if you were/are a big lad, how’d you know your partner is interested in you, maybe its just what you keep hidden in your pants that keeps them sweet? I have asked myself this question every time I chat somebody up and I am forever coming up with the same unreliable answer, “Its my mind they are interested in not my dick”. Then something happens once too often; as you kiss last-night’s conquest goodbye you are given a phone number, which later when you call it you are greeted with those immortal words “Can I take your order please sir?” Its then you realise the girls and or boys are only interested in what’s down your pants. Eventually you find yourself surfing the Internet for anything on “cheap rate penile reduction surgery”.  Of course you will always get those who are envious of another man’s endowment, but they are the deluded ones, the hypocrites. While feebly dismissing the significance of size, they secretly hanker for that 3” diameter vac pump.

Which leaves just one last thing to say, come on people give the big guy a break, its hard enough as it is being big, but having to live up to everyone’s great expectations only adds to the pressures of being the “the boy with most to offer”.

Size & Desire: It’s Girth Not Length  By Dillon Toyne

SEXUALLY REPRESSED ?

You would think today’s society is one of the least sexually repressed you could encounter, but is it? Dillon Toyne explains

With sex openly discussed on TV, in magazines and on the internet have we finally thrown off the crushing of our Victorian ancestors? Or is the reality that we are just fooling ourselves, believing we are now sexually liberated, when in truth we are still as hung up about sexual pleasures as our great grandparents? Ask yourself, when it comes to orgasmic pleasures, are you getting what you really want, or are you just having the kind of sex you believe you are supposed to have? Sexual repression is about the devaluing of sexuality, beginning in infancy and often expressed by threats to the inquisitive child, “if I catch you doing that again, I’ll cut it off,” or “you’ll go blind if you do that.” It can be exerted more subtly by maintaining the mystery around sexual activities with the use of allusive language and lies, “the stork brought you,” or the creation of taboos through those much-loved middle-class provisos of modesty and decency. Sexual repression can also take the form of a more general devaluing of the body, regarding the sexual organs as dirty, impure, or coarse, as opposed to the spirit, or “soul” which is considered to be of much higher value. Sexuality is thus lowered to the satisfaction of basic instincts or crude material needs. It is essentially within the middle-class patriarchal family unit that the process of sexual repression and the learning of obedience to authority are reproduced. Our society places the utmost value on control, on hiding what you really feel.

Primitive cultures are ridiculed, while pride is taken in our Western civility and our ability to suppress natural instincts and impulses. This is especially apparent in northern European countries, such as Britain, where the influence of protestant thinking has had a direct affect upon attitudes towards sexuality. Sexual repression is regarded as one of the essential causes of neuroses arising from traumas and the repression of sexual emotions, feelings, and expressions experienced during childhood. According to the 20th century German psychoanalyst and pupil of Freud, Wilhelm Reich, the body produces a sexual energy, which circulates along the longitudinal axis of the body, from the brain towards the genitals. The function of the orgasm is to dissipate this energy. The most important feature of an orgasm is the experience of pleasure; with pleasure, energy is able to reach the genitals and so can be fully discharged. Within sexually repressed individuals, obstacles are formed at various points along the brain-genital axis, so preventing the effective circulation and dissipation of sexual energy. These obstacles, formed gradually during the development of the individual, are called “character armours”; they appear both on a physical level, as muscular rigidities, and on a psychological level, as neurotic characteristics, such as various phobias, stammering, hysteria, timidity, instability and depression.

These neurotic characteristics are the basis of irrational beliefs, of feelings of frustration, violence, fear, and rejection by others. Individuals unable to dissipate their sexual energy in a fully carried out orgasm, are known as “orgasmic impotents.” For these individuals sexual energy is released via alternative outlets, in particular mysticism, irrational behaviours, the development of non-respectful sexual behaviours, of fascistic behaviours (the need to yield to another), sadistic or sexual perversions. Inhibited sexual desire or response, arising from sexual repression, refers to the lack of desire for erotic sexual contact. In most cases when there is a lack of sexual desire, the underlying causes are psychological in nature. Avoidance of sexual contact because of fears of rejection, failure, criticism, feelings of embarrassment or awkwardness, body image concerns, performance anxiety, anger towards a partner, lack of attraction towards a partner, all play a part in reducing or eliminating the sexual response. Most men are too uncomfortable to talk to their partner or anyone else about these issues, preferring to simply avoid sex or attribute their lack of sexual appetite to stress, worries, etc. Some of these men have a very active fantasy life and prefer the solitude of masturbation to the intimacy of sexual relations. Peter, a single gay man in his 40s, accepted he had a problem with anal sex after visiting a sexual therapist. He was then able to connect his fear of anal sex to both his childhood and the experience of losing his virginity.

“I was brought up to accept the only thing you did with your bottom was sit on it and shit out of it. The first and only time I was ever fucked was horrendous; it hurt so much I thought I’d never walk again and on top of that, the other guy said I should have douched. The embarrassment, coupled with the pain stopped me from having sexually fulfilling relationships as an adult. My fear of anal sex led to arguments with lovers and once or twice I admit I became hysterical and violent towards my boyfriends.” Terry and Chris felt their sexual relationship was becoming boring so they decided, as gay couples often do, to have an open relationship. Hoping this might bring the excitement back into their sexual relationship, they tried threesomes, groups and one on ones. Nevertheless, all this pleasure seeking only left the two of them feeling sexually unfulfilled, “Yeah, it was fun, but it lacked something, and we both ended up feeling guilty about what were doing.” After visiting a sex therapist, they began exploring other ways to enjoy sex together. By doing so, they were once again able to achieve a fully satisfying sexual relationship with each other. So what are the cardinal rules for freeing yourself from sexual repression and achieving a good sex life? Firstly, you need to respect your partner and adopt a healthy attitude towards sex. You need to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, talk about what you like and do not like to do and most importantly be honest.

Experimentation is essential; trying something different can open up a completely new way of enjoying sex, having fun, and learning about yourself and your partner. There are many ways to spice up your sex life, make a list of sexual preferences, be flexible, and experiment. Arrange intimate times with your partner, or “sex dates”. Think about activities, which can lead to sex, use your imagination, and learn to focus on other aspects of intimacy using all five senses. Indulge in sex-play with one another, which will lead to orgasm, but without intercourse. Be generous; gently ask for directions if you are not getting the kind of response you expect and take notice of your own reactions. Get the big picture; understand that what happens in your relationship is generally reflected in the bedroom. If your relationship is in trouble, difficulties will frequently show up in the bedroom. Finally, if you cannot make these suggestions work then seek out a sexual therapist like Mr Cox. Such experienced sexual facilitators can help you work through your issues and allow you to begin enjoying a satisfying sex life, free from sexual repression. TOYNE Dillon

the veil of secrecy surrounding the male g-spot…

Many years ago, long before your average Johnny even knew he possessed a prostate, I was busy lifting the veil of secrecy surrounding the male g-spot. Once again, several years on, I find myself attempting to enlighten the public about the pleasurable possibilities this small walnut-shaped gland, located just below the bladder, offers its owner. … Read morethe veil of secrecy surrounding the male g-spot…

Orgasmic Pleasures By Dillon Toyne

Most of us are aware what an orgasm is, if we are male we might not be so sure about the female orgasm, but when it comes to our own rod of iron we know what gets it up and how to bring it down. Nevertheless, how many of us are aware that an orgasm … Read moreOrgasmic Pleasures By Dillon Toyne

2 Holy 2 By Dillon Toyne

This is just a brief appraisal of the Legend of the Wandering Jew, first mentioned by Roger of Wendover in the late 13th Century AD. is the story of the cobbler who insulted Christ on His way to Calvary. Christ asked Ashareus, the cobbler, for a drink of water. When Ashareus refused, Jesus condemned Ashareus … Read more2 Holy 2 By Dillon Toyne

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